Has life changed for the educated Indian woman?

2 events this week, have got me thinking again. Thinking about our society, culture, gender roles etc.

The first event, an ad on youtube http://www.youthkiawaaz.com/2014/05/kitchen-appliance-35-second-advertisement-debunks-traditional-gender-roles/

While it is no doubt a brilliant satire,  the irony is that it is still a satire and not comedy. Educated guy, educated lady but stereotypes continue. Worse, parents seem to continue to lay down the rules for adults. The guy is here because mom thinks it is high time he married.  It still wouldn't have got me thinking if the guy stood up for himself and stopped his mother by saying 'I need a life partner not a coffee maker', or laughed with the girl on her brilliant satire. But no, the mamma's beta cannot get up and make his own coffee. Or maybe he thinks it is unmanly to do so. While many NRIs may debate or disagree with this, the question is do they continue to share household responsibilities once the wife arrives on the scene? I would be more than happy to be proved wrong. But in India, this percentage is minuscule if not altogether non-existent.

The other event - the much critically acclaimed Bollywood film 'Queen'. I am not much of a film bug, so most films do not pass through my lens, but this is one film I wanted to watch, having heard so much about breaking the stereotypes. Finally, better late than never, I watched it yesterday. That got me thinking much deeper. More than the fact that how the protagonist discovers herself on her solo honeymoon or that she avenges her insult by turning him down at the end, my thoughts are in a different direction altogether.Thoughts born from the many small incidents in the film. When the young protagonist goes to meet her paramour on a date, the little brother is sent along. Why I wonder? Is it unsafe for a girl to go out alone, or is there a fear of tongues wagging? If it is unsafe, how is the kid expected to protect his sister? If there is a fear of tongues wagging, why ? Is it outrageous for a girl to be romantically involved? Or on the night of marriage, when the insensitive man backs out. Why does the protagonist plead or beg of him? It was credible that for the small town called Rajoli, the parents allowed her to pursue education. But wasn't a sense of self-respect instilled in her by her family or teachers? I can perfectly empathize with her sorrow and pain; what I cannot swallow is her pleading and begging of the guy. Rather, I think the old grandmother had more self-respect.

Coming to her 'honeymoon' trip, imagine how many stereotypes she had to unlearn or new ways of life she learnt. In India she had to ask for permission to take up a job. She had become so dependent on asking for approval for everything she wished to do, that she looked around everybody's faces seeking approval when she was offered a job. Made me think - an educated girl, who has lost her self-confidence, or maybe never developed one and has no capacity to take her own decisions. Or her discomfort with sharing the room with men. Honestly, I would have been as uncomfortable as her, though I belong to the mega-metropolis called Mumbai. Makes me think, why the discomfort? Is it fear of the society or from what we read in the media everyday? The rapes, the molestation......has it somewhere instilled a mistrust and fear of men in our minds? Tells a lot about our society as a whole. Or her liberating dance, albeit under the influence of alcohol. In India, she had to seek approval for simple joys of life. Should an adult not be allowed the freedom to draw the lines for herself? Or are we worried lest she develop wings and not tolerate dominance any more? Or her horror at the free sex in the society. Who defines morality? Who justifies what is right and what is wrong? I agree that if the human society didn't lay down any norms, it would be wild and free-for-all. Rather than society laying the ground rules for morality and expecting everyone to blindly follow them, shouldn't rules of dos and dont's be laid down by 2 adults in any kind of relationship. While it is alright to have some common set of rules  as a society, who gave us the right to be judgmental about people who define their own set of rules, as long as they are not hurting or harming anyone in the process? The debate is endless.....Why can't we just live and let live? Why this control freak behavior? Everywhere around me, I see frustration increasing by the day, as gender roles no longer are what they used to be. While the woman has come of her own and is rubbing shoulders with men in the career space, we as a society are still ashamed to admit that men and women are equal and the woman is as much a human as a man. Isn't the house made by the individuals who reside in it? Why then are the chores only the ladies' responsibility, when she is bringing home the money as well. If a man comes home tired, so does a woman. Relationships are stressed as the woman is unable to cope on 2 fronts, but most men even in a metropolis continue to be couch potatoes after coming home from office. The woman wants to speak out but cannot, as neither her parents nor in-laws nor spouse will stand by her in such matters. Of course, exceptions might exist. In fact, some married colleagues tell me that my husband shares chores when my in-laws are not at home but not when they are around. Wouldn't it be mature to let the couple define the lines of expectations and responsibilities before tying the knot and let the marriage go ahead only if the lines are mutually acceptable? But we continue to look at the educational qualifications, the impressive degrees and the pay-packets in defining a 'good match'. I would rather define a good match by his/her thoughts. We would be a happier society if we did not meddle in people's affairs. In that sense India really hasn't changed much. Back in the late 1990s when I put down this pre-condition and said I would only marry if I came across a guy wherein we are both agree to share equal responsibilities in all aspects of life, whether at home or outside, it was blasphemy and arrogance!!! Everyone and his brother and sister and husband and wife had a piece of mind to offer to me. I stuck my ground and was labelled 'arrogant'. Not that it mattered to me, what the world thought of me. Fortunately or unfortunately, what people think of me has never bothered me. Yesterday's events have brought me to square one- while India has made tremendous progress in amenities, wealth, and matching the western world in talent, as a society we have a long, long, long way to go!! I also know this piece of writing will probably bracket me into one more adjective, but I have learnt to face it........